The Global Economy Works, Y’all!

Yeah, we’re totally Orthodox, brah!

Say you’re an authority figure in a monotheistic religion based on Bronze Age superstitions. And say one of your tactics for controlling your followers is stirring hatred and fear of the gays. Say you have a group of young boys you’re trying to indoctrinate through fear of an ancient sky god’s disapproval. Well, the new SCOTUS ruling affirming the constitutional right for gay couples to marry is the perfect occasion to gin up some good old fashioned fear based mammal brain thinking. You could tell your students to beg for the sky father’s approval by protesting a parade where the gays are openly flaunting their basic human rights.

But there’s a problem. What if your young charges see people enjoying life instead of begging the sky spirit not to kill them? Or even worse, what if, Flying Spaghetti Monster forbid, they realize something about themselves?

Capitalism to the rescue! Our beneficent corporate masters have created an economy with plentiful cheap migrant laborers. Let them go to the parade in you stead and hold up you sign about how G-d made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.

Problem solved, the American way!

I Miss The Eighties Friday – Killtastic Edition

For this week’s I Miss The Eighties Friday, I present the trailer for the amazing film “Kill and Kill Again”. It’s the one motion picture that will annihilate every concept you’ve ever had about the limits of human strength, conditioning, and endurance! (It says so in the trailer).

A rag-tag band of martial arts misfits takes on a megalomaniac and his army of karate clones. Also there is a plot point about an alternative fuel source made from potatoes that is also a mind control drug (it’s not vodka).

Never Mind The APR!

Sex pistols Mastercard - punk as fuck!
How are you going to pay for that KISS-themed coffin? How about with a Sex Pistols Themed Mastercard?

Virgin has introduced a line of credit cards with Sex Pistols graphics, because getting approved for a credit card is punk as fuck.

Here’s a video of mega douche Sir Richard Branson trying to sound “cool” and “with it” talking about the kids’ “rocking and rolling” music:

For a mere 18.9% APR, you can keep it totally real and really give it to the corporate overlords. When the clerk at the Apple store swipes your card and sees “Never Mind The Bollocks” on it, he will legit freak out. Take that, capitalism!

In a similar spirit of DIY iconoclasm and cross-platform marketing, we at the Grim Snark are planning to launch a line of G. G. Allin credit cards.

G. G. Allin Mastercard, Life sucks, scum fuck edition

I Miss The Eighties Friday – Christopher Lee Memorial Edition

The eighties were a fallow time for Christopher Lee. The moodiness of horror films was replaced by stalk-and-slash aesthetics, and Lee was considered old-fashioned. Lee gamely soldiered on, acting in other genres but occasionally popping up in horror films.

Lee turned up in The Howling 2 (hilariously subtitled “Your Sister Is A Werewolf”) as a Van Helsing style werewolf hunter. The action for the sequel moves to the Balkans to incorporate castles and some Hammer horror flavor. Eighties B movie it girl Sybil Danning stars as the werewolf queen, and there are some ridiculous attempts to portray punk/new wave culture.

The film makers probably thought they were doing a favor for Lee by casting a “has-been” actor. But Lee went on acting for another 30 years, played major characters in two of the biggest-grossing franchises of the 21st century, and recorded 2 heavy metal albums in his 90′s. So suck on that.

The original The Howling is worth checking out. It’s a pretty decent horror film that is also a sly parody of late-70′s self-help culture. It also features some ground breaking (for the time) werewolf transformation effects and also ends on a great visual pun. Also note in the trailer the use of happy face stickers.

bm14

Mad Max or Burning Man?

The Mad Max movies portray a post-apocalyptic world where there is very little guzzoline, but somehow there are a lot of hair styling products. Roving bands of thugs ride modified vehicles across a blasted wasteland competing for dwindling resources.

Burning Man is an annual festival where stock brokers and trustifarians go into the desert and pretend that temporarily giving up some of their First Word privilege is somehow “enlightening”.

The funny thing is they have very similar aesthetics. Can you tell the difference? As a public service, we at The Grim Snark present this quiz to test your ability to tell the difference between Burning Man and Mad Max.

mad-max-9

Correct

Mad Max: Fury Road

Incorrect

Mad Max: Fury Road


bm16

Correct

Burning Man

Incorrect

Burning Man


btd6

Correct

Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome

Incorrect

Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome


rw7

Correct

The Road Warrior

Incorrect

The Road Warrior


btd4

Correct

Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome

Incorrect

Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome


bm15

Correct

Burning Man

Incorrect

Burning Man


bm6

Correct

Burning Man

Incorrect

Burning Man


mad-max-17

Correct

Mad Max: Fury Road

Incorrect

Mad Max: Fury Road


bm9

Correct

Burning Man

Incorrect

Burning Man


rw6

Correct

Road Warrior

Incorrect

Road Warrior


bm14

Correct

Burning Man

Incorrect

Burning Man


btd1

Correct

Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome

Incorrect

Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome