bm14

Mad Max or Burning Man?

The Mad Max movies portray a post-apocalyptic world where there is very little guzzoline, but somehow there are a lot of hair styling products. Roving bands of thugs ride modified vehicles across a blasted wasteland competing for dwindling resources.

Burning Man is an annual festival where stock brokers and trustifarians go into the desert and pretend that temporarily giving up some of their First Word privilege is somehow “enlightening”.

The funny thing is they have very similar aesthetics. Can you tell the difference? As a public service, we at The Grim Snark present this quiz to test your ability to tell the difference between Burning Man and Mad Max.

mad-max-9

Correct

Mad Max: Fury Road

Incorrect

Mad Max: Fury Road


bm16

Correct

Burning Man

Incorrect

Burning Man


btd6

Correct

Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome

Incorrect

Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome


rw7

Correct

The Road Warrior

Incorrect

The Road Warrior


btd4

Correct

Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome

Incorrect

Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome


bm15

Correct

Burning Man

Incorrect

Burning Man


bm6

Correct

Burning Man

Incorrect

Burning Man


mad-max-17

Correct

Mad Max: Fury Road

Incorrect

Mad Max: Fury Road


bm9

Correct

Burning Man

Incorrect

Burning Man


rw6

Correct

Road Warrior

Incorrect

Road Warrior


bm14

Correct

Burning Man

Incorrect

Burning Man


btd1

Correct

Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome

Incorrect

Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome

The TSA For Kids Video Contains No Mention Of Invasive Body Cavity Searches

Also the airport looks like a cock and balls.

Read about it and the TSA coloring book here.

Let me tell you if your band name sucks!

Sucks to rocks

I absolutely despise services like fiverr.com. They create the impression that quality professional work can be had for a pittance. This serves to make it hard for freelancers trying to make a living to get paid what they’re worth.

But it looks like things like this are going to be around for a while. So if you can’t beat ‘em, you can always lump it. Or something.

So I put some thought into what I could do that would actually be worth only five dollars. Meanwhile, I’ve been complaining lately about how bland and uninspired so much of the music the kids listen to is. Also, what’s up with all the god-awful names bands have these days?

Then it hit me: Why not wrap the chocolate of declining economic mobility around the peanut butter of my discontent?

I am proud to announce my Fiverr gig – for $5 I will tell you if your band name sucks! My goal is to prevent anyone who is starting a band to enter the world with some silly monicker like Arctic Monkeys or Imagine Dragons. So let’s spread the word and put a stop to terrible band names once and for all!

Click here for suckage assessment!

True Story

Heard a grade school age girl run out of the apartment downstairs while yelling “Goddammit!”

Later went to Aldi and saw a guy buting six gant tubs of margarine and a loaf of white bread.

No Breadsticks, No Peace

The Olive Garden recently unveiled a plan to shove more carbs and calories into America’s face hole. Dubbing it the “Never Ending Pasta Pass“, it was a premium that let the holder eat all the pasta they could eat anytime for seven weeks – all for a mere $100. Perhaps learning a lesson from Red Lobster’s debacle with all-you-can-eat specials, they limited the special to 1000 passes. Pasta is cheap. A thousand ‘Murrikins couldn’t possibly eat enough in seven weeks to impact the OG’s profits, right?

Well if you think that, pardner, you don’t know shit form shinola. Turns out this is just the sort of challenge Duhmerica is itching to sink its teeth into, pardon the pun.

The sort of people who want to eat as much as possible in the worst faux-Italian chain this side of the Spaghetti Tub are all about quantity. The thousand golden ticket holders tore into OG’s stock like dogs at an anus licking party.

Olive Garden was forced to convene an emergency meeting that involved 294 motherfucking Powerpoint slides detailing ways to cut costs in the wake of Pastageddon. Top items on the list? Ease up the fucking breadsticks, fer crissakes. And do we have to salt the water we cook the pasta in? It’s not like our customers will notice a decline in quality. Salt doesn’t grow on trees, you know. (We think.)

Underestimating Duhmerica’s capacity for overindulgence may be foolish. But making your employees sit through a 294 slide presentation? That’s just inhumane.